"God Will Find You When You're Broken" - My Testimony

I have not always had God in my life. But, letting Him into my heart has alleviated many mental stresses and instilled a sense faith into my life that has changed me for the better.  I was a lucky that  God sent me many friends to help me kindle a relationship with Him in high school. At first ,I was oblivious. He had to send so many people on several occasions before I caught on to what He wanted for me. Luckily, the people He sent were open about their relationship with Him and helped me realize I needed one, too. Let’s start at the very beginning with a young Kenzie who was clueless about the ways which a relationship with the Lord would change her life.

In middle school, I started attending functions that were geared toward helping kids in their walk with God. I attended Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) camps and was scared to open my heart to God. I had accepted God as my Lord and Savior at one of the evening chapels during the warm summer nights of camp. I didn't really know what this meant or how I felt about it, though. I came home from camp and my Dad asked me if I was a part of the the group that had been "saved". I lied and told him "no." Why? I still can't tell you to this day. Fear and embarrassment maybe? I was scared to admit that I had God in my life and embarrassed that I didn't really know what having Him in my life meant. I grew up in a family that believed in God, but we never went to church. I never learned any of the Bible stories or heard a preacher on a Sunday morning. I just knew that God had a plan for me. So, like most 12 year olds would do, I put my relationship with God on the back burner. I was too busy with sports to spend my time thinking about a relationship with God.

As a freshman, I started attending weekly FCA meetings. To be honest, my attendance was selfish. I started going because most of my friends went and I didn't want to eat lunch by myself. It was a plus that we got to talk sports, eat candy, and be in a social atmosphere. We would have a small sermon about a lesson that could be applied to our lives. I would listen; but, I would never internally processed what was being said. At this point, I didn’t know I needed to have a solid relationship with God. In my eyes my life was “perfect." I was getting good grades and was constantly playing multiple sports at a time. What more did I need in life? 

Then, as a sophomore, my life crumble before my eyes. I tore my ACL. I no longer could spend all of my time participating in sports. This injury sidelined me for 6 months and ripped apart my identity. I was an athlete. That was it. My whole life revolved around sports. With sports gone, I spiraled into a darkness. I felt like the light to my world had burned out. Who was I if I wasn't an athlete? My whole being felt empty, numb, and filled with darkness. I remember writing in my journal that I was a "walking corpse." I was lost and broken with no idea what to do.

Six months pass and I was cleared to return to play! As a junior, I missed the soccer season, but could still participate in the last month of basketball, but nothing was the same. How I moved had changed. My confidence had changed. And to my dismay, I quickly experienced a second ACL injury a few weeks after returning to play. At this point, there was a black hole in my soul that grew larger and larger by the hour. I was no longer okay. My identity had officially been stripped from me. Soon, I realized I couldn't continue to walk through life by myself.

Most around me knew I wasn’t okay; but they didn’t know how to help. Luckily, one of my friends invited me to go to youth group after basketball practice. Yet again, I honestly didn’t start to attend with the intent to build a relationship with God. I wanted to socialize longer, feel like I was a part of something, and they always fed us supper on Wednesday nights. Why would I say "no" to that? When I first started to attend the gatherings, I had a lot of fear. I didn’t want all of my friends that would openly talk about God to know I didn’t have a relationship with Him. I dreaded being chosen to read the versus we were discussing that night, because I didn't know how to navigate a bible. I felt like a 'poser'. I identified as Christian, but I wasn’t actively practicing. I feared what a relationship with God meant. I didn’t know all the biblical stories. I didn’t know if there was a “correct” way to pray. I had so many fears of "being wrong" while trying to build a relationship with God.

After attending a few months of youth group, my fear started to dissipate. I started taking the lessons to heart and genuinely strived to build a relationship with God. The numb feeling in my soul started to leave my body.  I came to trust that God would pave a way for me throughout life. I started to trust Him, which gave me the confidence to put my faith in Him. I allowed myself to give my problems to God.

Finally, the night I attended a Tim Tebow speaking event, I knew for a fact that God had found His way into my heart. Tebow said in an off-hand comment, “God will find you when you are broken.” This simple statement hit my soul. I couldn’t get those words out of my mind all night. I was didn't know who I was or who I was meant to be and I was so broken, but God still loved me. I was laying in bed that night and felt a warm feeling like God was putting His hands on me, surrounding me with His love. I knew He would walk with me, protect me, and guide me; if only I was willing to listen. At this moment, God glued the broken pieces of my soul back together with His love. I no longer felt broken or numb. There was no longer a that cold black void within me. I had faith that God would take care of me.

From then on God has walked with me throughout every aspect of my life and steered me toward experiences I would never had considered, but He knew I needed them in my life. I give him credit for getting me through a 3rd ACL tear. I give Him credit for the University and Graduate Program I attended. Neither were on my radar when initially applying, but somehow I landed there. I give Him credit for meeting new people around the world and seeing His handy work. I give Him credit for discovering my love for Sports Medicine and being able to experience it first hand in college. I give Him credit for my daily life, the love I receive from friends and family, as well as, the human being I am becoming.

I'll admit my walk with the Lord hasn't been straight or perfect. I have found myself walking away from His word throughout the years. This allows the anxiety and depression to hit. I start to worry and question where my life is heading, and then a dark empty feeling starts to sneak in again.

 In order to combat unplanned deviations from God's path, I have started making goals. My first goal was to pray every night. This small, simple task made a huge difference in my relationship with God. A daily talk with God let me reflect on my actions and let me release my hopes, dreams, worries; as well as, let me give thanks for all the blessings in my life. I would often ask for guidance, which opened my mind to possibilities and relieved anxiety I often inflict on myself. After daily prayer became a habit, I made a new goal: read a devotional every day. I started with devotional books. But, I found I would often forget about it, or I wouldn’t have the book with me when I wanted to read. So instead, I found an app that sends me reminders to read my devotionals and posts a new one to read every day. This has been leading me to think critically about my relationship with God and what He can do for everyone. I have other goals I want to achieve in this relationship; but, I know it will take time and my journey needs to be done in steps.

Now, I encourage you to reflect on your relationship with God. If you don’t have a relationship with Him yet, I encourage you to reach out to someone who can help you start! In today’s media, it's easy to stream church services, join online bible studies, or even find devotional apps. Set goals and take time every day to talk to God. Remember there's no "right" way to worship. There's no "correct" way to pray. You don’t need to fear building a relationship with God. He loves everyone, no matter how you connect with Him. I promise, taking the steps to have a relationship, or to strengthen your relationship will improve your life by leaps and bounds.

Lastly, I want to end with these two verse I constantly find myself going back to when I am experiencing tough times.

Kindly, 

Kenzie

P.S. The App I have been utilizing for daily devotionals is “Daily Bible Inspirations”.